when is the next drought come?

Holiday are meant for reading,

chilling along movies & stories.

but, i guess i had read the wrong materials,

which sorta leads me into a deep thoughts & emotional.

i have just spend a night into tears & tons of imaginations that fears me,

how stupid can i be, then pushing myself into the dam again?

trust me, it wasn't things that i could control.

i started with; The Time Traveler's Wife,

i got the book, while i was transit in Dubai last summer,

cause i saw the trailer in the earlier on flight,

no doubt, i'm a No.1 fan for romance,

i always heart those kind of movies,

though, it wasn't any blockbuster or having any famous stars,sometimes,

i believe, is the story thats matter,

and, romance never fails me,

i know usually are not so happy ending,tho,

it some how leads me into many kinds of thoughts.

i watched the movie once it was out,

pouring tears,in a late night show.

just like before,

i read the book & watched the movie once again,

and, i just can't stop crying over the same scene,

probably, i'm just into the mood of crying?

sometimes when destiny has fallen on you,

you just can't escape, can't take any control over it,

even if that is a bad & unlucky 1,

or it might be your disaster,

despite knowing & accepting the fact is tough,

fact is fact, you can't change it,

you really wanna live in blame & miserable?

while you still can seek the chances from your unlucky destiny?

it's so tough,

i wish one day my courage will raise again.

Next on my list was ; The Lovely Bones.

same, i got the book before i watch the movie,

it was a birthday present from J,

1 thoughtful gift,

but, i just can't get it, why you wanna give me such book that carry so much sob memories of my past?

i'm just purely curious.

this is the book that makes me cry almost every page i flip, at the middle part,

and i dare not to watch the movie,

cause i'm afraid.

i fear to let myself slip down the memories i been trying hard for years to buried,

but, not until just now,

i finally watched it.

the feeling wasn't that bad,

probably i been expecting too much or i'm just telling myself not to focus that point too much.

sound so much i'm just keep on buried & buried my feelings.

obviously, it doesn't stop me from thinking of it,

i was crawling up myself under the blanket,

feeling so wanted to scream & shout out,

the pain & loneliness inside of me,

i'm surrounded by people, but, i'm empty,

so stuck with myself.

all these years, i'm so fearful to hear anything about death,

i'm afraid , one day, the call i get is the same as that.

it's been 5years,

i been saying about this way too much & it seems no point anymore,

and it's the fact i been avoiding,

even for you or us,

i know, we are not supposed to look back anymore,

the road still have to go on,

and mom always say,

every tears we drop, it's like adding another burden into you in moving on your road.

because, i love you as much as you love us,

i will try not to tears,

because, you 're our guardian angel,

we will never count you as dead,

you will never gives up upon us,

and i should let you go,

i would try.

how many quality time you had spend with you dad?

while is still unlimited,

i hope you all appreciate & enjoy the greatest happiness.